And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
