Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
