dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
