Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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