oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
