why didn't you poke me back
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
