I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
