so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
