She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
