i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
