I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
