Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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