Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
