My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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