I can text with my tongue
Come see our sink grown plant.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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