when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
