i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
