Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm really busy with my period
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