I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
