Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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