Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
