God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
