if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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