I have demons in me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
