Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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