stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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