I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
