How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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