I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
