i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
