I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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