dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
