Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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