So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
