she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
