i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
