she woke up with a sticky ear
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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