I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
