i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
