He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize