sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
