I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
