I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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