you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
