i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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