sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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