He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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