Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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