dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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