so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize