"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
