Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
