oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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