hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
