It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
