I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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