A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
