I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
