Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
