Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize