best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
