Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
