I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
