It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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