So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
